POPCORN's birth

Time for the big update, POPCORN’s birth!!  Might be slightly graphic, but you are warned.

First of all, let me start by saying I want to keep this “real” and honest.  I get so many questions, so I want to help everyone understand the whole process, the good and the bad (lucky for us, there really isn’t much bad at all!).

We left off at 35 weeks, here are the belly pictures following that week…

I really felt so good up until about 37-38 weeks.  That’s when I started to get signs of labor, without actually going into labor.  I got increasingly uncomfortable and at one point even had contractions 10 minutes apart that led nowhere.  I thought for sure I was going into labor, only to wake up without any contractions.  I was about 1cm dilated and 50% effaced for the last few weeks of pregnancy.  Not as much progress to show for that discomfort and lack of sleep!  I did go to acupuncture, thanks to my wonderful intended parents for approving that and paying for it.  I think it really helped the process on the day of labor.  It also helped me have some time to myself to relax in those last few weeks.  

We found out at one point that the baby’s belly was measuring on the larger side.  C-section was mentioned as a possibility, due to belly size meaning big shoulders.  Based on that and being able to make sure daddies made it for birth we decided to induce at 39 weeks.  Dr. A was so very accommodating and agreed to induce on a Saturday, which is rare.  So thankful for him!!

Now for the honest, not so pretty part.  The night before induction I totally freaked out and couldn’t stop crying.  Totally unexpected for me and had nothing to do with the baby, it had all to do with my kids.  I couldn’t get past the thought that I was about to go into the hospital and “risk my life” for someone else’s family.  Yes, they have become like family to us.  Yes, this is something we thought about before I became a surrogate.  Nothing new happened for me to feel this way.  I attribute it to hormones and just the thought of leaving my kids.  I felt awful that if something happened to me I would be leaving my kids behind, for something I volunteered for.  I gave them so many hugs and cried all evening.  Thankful for my wonderful husband who got me through that.  I still can’t think about that overwhelming feeling without getting tears, but then again still have some crazy hormones.  Our middle son, M, took me going into the hospital a little worse than we predicted.  Maybe due to him having Autism, maybe due to his age, but also maybe due to me freaking out that evening.  Looking back I should have done a better job of keeping that fear from them.  I decided to have them drop me off at the hospital on the morning of the induction, probably not the best idea where they are concerned, but I needed to see them as long as I could that morning.  He is doing fine now, just keeps telling me how much he missed me and how much he loves me.  He is also the one to ask about the baby more than any of our other kids.  He has such a sweet, loving heart.  

Anyways, I must say, the baby’s daddies were really supportive during this time as well.  I changed my mind multiple times on how the morning would look, and they agreed to whatever I wanted.  

Induction was set for 7:30am.  We got to the hospital at about 7:15, but they apparently were super busy so it took a little while to check in.  We got to our room sometime after 8 and got all settled in.  I put on my “popcorn” socks to get ready for POPCORN’s arrival!! 

 Around this time one of the daddies started getting a little bored, luckily I can’t name names!!!  I made sure to inform them that I have a history of super long labors, so it could be a LONG time.  We were introduced to the most amazing nurse ever, Angee.  She was just simply awesome!!  I told her that I wanted to try to go natural, no pain medication, but I also knew that it would be harder to do that with an induction, so I was prepared to get an epidural if I had to.  She was so very supportive, she told me she would mention one thing about the epidural and not mention it again.  She said once I decided I wanted one, it would take an hour to get one, so to keep that in mind.  She also said she would make sure to start slow with the Pitocin, and to increase slowly, knowing I didn’t want pain meds.  I think she made all of the difference!!  She even mentioned it to the doctor to make sure he was on board too.  He came in and checked me at about 9, about 3 cms, but still thick.  They started Pitocin at 9:15.  Took quite some time before I started feeling any contractions.

  At 11 I still wasn’t feeling any pain, but contractions were consistently 2 minutes apart and getting stronger.  Dr. A came in and checked me, still no progress, so they broke my water hoping to move things along.  Slightly painful, but nothing major.  Once they let that drain some I got up and walked around the hospital some, with my two body guards (POPCORN’s daddies). I have to wonder what people thought when they saw us wondering the halls.  I kinda wanted to say I didn’t know who the dad was, so I brought both possibilities!! hehe

While walking contractions got a little more painful, but still nothing major.  After doing that for a while we went back to the room and I sat on the birthing ball.  This is when contractions did start to get painful.  I kept putting off calling the doula, because that was my next step in pain management.  I didn’t want to jump to that too soon and then move on to epidural.  I should have contacted her sooner!  Once I started having to really focus and breath through contractions I asked her to come.  Well time went so so so slow at this point.  I ended up having to ask one of the daddies to rub my back, which I was trying not to have to do because I felt bad and I really didn’t want them to know how much pain I was in.  Before that I was texting my husband and my coordinator saying how bad it hurt, but I didn’t want to tell them!  I knew they would feel bad so I was prolonging that.  But at this point, something needed to help.  Poor guy had no idea what to do to help, and I had no idea what to tell him to do.  I just told him to rub my back somewhere and do something, the nurse said I gave him the real experience of being with a woman!  They later said I confirmed why they are gay!!

  The nurse could tell how much pain I was in, so she checked me.  Finally 6 cm (at 1:45pm), but at that point I couldn’t imagine dealing with 4 more cm.  I had no idea how truly fast it would go.  I asked her when to call my husband, so he could make it for birth, she said now was the time.  We texted him, one daddy called him, then I called him to make sure he understood that he needed to move it.   The doula got there at about this time and I was unable to even touch my phone after this.  I was in so much pain!  The baby still hadn’t dropped so they had me laying on my side with a peanut shape ball between my legs.  I remember one daddy having to hold my leg, the one that said he wanted to stare at the wall during birth, so kinda funny!!  Anyways, during this time of laying on my side I think I asked to move from that position between every single contraction.  Being in the bed was the WORST!  It did in fact help the baby into positon though and I progressed to 7 cm, so worth it.  We decided to try to get into the bath at this point to see if it would help.  Well I have no idea what people were talking about when they say bath helps, it did not help me at all.  Maybe I went in too late?  I had to sit through two contracts and it was horrible.  Once I got out they had me get on all 4’s on the bed.  I can definitely say this helped the baby drop.  With each contraction I could feel my body pushing the baby down and I could feel the baby turning.   Weirdest feeling ever!!  I screamed through every contraction at this point, my husband said he heard me from down the hall.  Which is so embarrassing now, but I had no idea how else to deal with it.   I’m sure it was slightly awkward for the dads, knowing I was in this pain and there was nothing they could do.  Can’t wait to hear their version of the story!!

Our doula, Amanda, was great during the time.  She was calm and reassuring, something that I was lacking.  I know I mentioned many times that I couldn’t do it anymore, and she reassured me that I could!!

Anyways, my husband came in at about this time and I think I was 8cm around now.  He asked what he could do, and I told him to leave me alone, lol.  I really had no idea what he could possibly do.  Me being me, I decided to try to joke around between contractions.  At one point I turned to the dads and told them they did this to me, trying to give them the full daddy experience!  At another point I remember a nurse asking them how they were doing while I was in the middle of the contraction, so when it was over I turned to them and said, “yeah, how are YOU doing??”  They said I looked possessed, haha!!  I don’t remember much else about this time, I just remember telling the nurse that the baby was coming, my body was pushing, and there was nothing I could do.  I went from 8cm to 10 in a matter of minutes.  Finally time to start pushing!  Everyone got into position and I said not to have me on my back unless I could start pushing.  So I started pushing, I have no idea how many pushes or how long this took but I do know that I want from 6cm to baby being out in 45 minutes.   The second the baby was out we were all staring to see the gender.  It was a perfect baby girl!!!  Emma was born at 2:30pm on 3/5/16, my very first epidural free birth!!!  One daddy cut the cord and she went right to the warming bed, absolutely perfect way to work a surrogate birth.  The daddies each gave me a hug and thanked me and followed their baby girl.  I peaked over the entire time!  She had some trouble with her oxygen, from coming so fast, so she had to go to the nursery for a short short time.   Seeing the love on their faces as they stared at their baby girl was amazing.  They were so instantly in love!!  Meanwhile, while they were checking her out in the room, I had to push out the placenta.  Not fun without the epidural!  I made sure to inform the dads not to look, not something they would want to see.  As soon as she was cleared from the nursery, and oxygen was good, the dads brought her in to see me and they let me hold her.  Such a great moment, but I must admit I felt bad about holding her and taking that time away from them.  It is such a weird feeling to have just pushed her out but to not feel any connection to her at all.  It felt like I was invading their special moment, but not in a bad way.  They then took her to their room for some bonding time and I kicked everyone out.  I felt bad having the doula there when she could be home with her family and I felt bad having my husband there when he could be home with our kids.   It was kind of nice having some time to just think about everything that just happened so quickly!!  Also the fun part of trying to pee after and getting my belly pressed on was not something anyone had to be there for.  I am happy to report that I got out of this with no stitches and very minimal pain from the actual birth.  Most pain is from the normal uterus contractions that come later.  

Once I checked into my post partum room I was able to pump then go see little miss Emma.  She is such a beautiful little girl and a sweet baby!!  It may seem weird to people outside of surrogacy, but I always asked if I could hold her and made sure the daddies were okay with it.  I made sure to not overstay my welcome and to just keep my visits short, so they could have their bonding time.  I think this may seem strange, but it felt like the natural thing to do.   The plan was for me to pump until they headed home, so I began pumping every 3 hours, even through the night.  I went in to drop off milk and see Emma a few times that evening and the next morning and I got to leave the hospital at noon the next day.  I have to say, I expected to be an emotional mess during this time, as I am after every birth, but I wasn’t this time.  Not one tear at this point.  My husband and boys came to pick me up at about noon the next day.  My boys were so excited to meet Emma, but then of course got shy when it was time.  I said my goodbyes knowing I’d be back that evening and the next morning to deliver milk.  I’m so thankful to all of my friends and family checking in on me to make sure I was okay.  I know a lot of people were worried about my emotional well being, but I do think its something that’s hard to understand until you are a surrogate.  

(24 hours post partum)

The daddies and their baby girl left at just under 48 hours post birth.  I said my goodbyes that morning.  I will say I could feel tears coming so I made it quick, gave hugs and left.  Knowing I’ll see them in a few months helped.  The tears had absolutely nothing to do with Emma herself, or missing her, it just had to do with the emotions and the hormones and the whole experience.  This is the end of a journey, a whole chapter.  I know we will continue contact, but it will be different than it was before.  

(Heading home)

The daddies have been absolutely amazing about sending pictures of their sweet baby girl, I love and appreciate every single one and my boys love seeing them as well.  I will admit, since then I have had my tears and I even have them as typing this, but as I said before it has nothing to do with a “connection” to the baby as some people assume.  I feel absolutely no connection to her, but I do to their family as a whole because we did get close during the process.   And in order to keep this “real” I will say that some tears come from feeling under appreciated.  It has nothing to do with the daddies, they have been amazing, but they are also busy with a newborn.  I think most surrogates can relate to this feeling directly after the birth, so I wanted to share about how normal it is, and the hormones make it seem worse.  I do know I’m appreciated and the guys have made sure I know that, it really really has nothing to do with anything they have done or not done.  It’s just that my part in their story is over, it’s time for me to get back to life and them to begin life as a family of 3.  It takes adjustment on all parts. 

It doesn’t help that I still have this belly and I can’t fit into normal clothes, and I have no baby to carry around for the outside world to know that it’s why I look like this.  I’ll be shopping for new clothes to fit until I can fit into my old clothes, so that will help some!!  Hopefully they turn out to be a waste of money and I won’t need them for long, ha! 

I am continuing to pump, but only for a week or so to get any health benefits I can for myself right now.  I know some people will judge me for dumping the milk, but I don’t want to watch what I’m eating or drinking and I don’t want to be tied to pumping longer than I choose, so I’m doing it my way and I’ll stop in the next week or so. 

I want to say that the hospital was AWESOME!!!  The way they acted, you would think they deal with surrogates all of the time.  They went above and beyond to make the whole situation perfect.  From my natural child birth, to the baby going right to her daddies, to them getting their own room, and us all getting checked on frequently.  Every single nurse we came in contact with was awesome.  

A special thank you to our doula, I know you missed out on much of the labor, I should have called you sooner!  No one would have guessed it would happen that fast!!!

A very special thanks to my coordinator as well.  S, you know we couldn’t have done any of it without you!!  You have helped me so much and taught me so much!!

Emma’s daddies, I really couldn’t have asked for a better experience.  You are two amazing daddies and Emma is such a lucky little girl!  I look forward to staying a part of her and your lives and watching her grow!

And one pic 4 days post partum!  Feeling good, but can't wait to start running again!

*Emma's photos shared with her daddies permission